either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
