Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
