seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
