I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
