Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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