He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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