Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Randomize
