I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
