Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
