matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize