I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
