Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
