That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
