just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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