just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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