Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
