Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just had sex on a roof
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
