at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
