ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
me + whiskey = a bad person
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
