I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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