I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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