Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
