dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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