i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
