At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
