Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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