Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just cropdusted the office
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
