god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
