I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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