so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
