we have pet lesbian snakes
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
