i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
