I think I am morally bankrupt
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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