dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
