im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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