Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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