I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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