I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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