there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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