She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
