I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
