Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
