Having a random hookup so left but love u
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
