Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
