i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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