She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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