I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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