I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
