he wants to bone in the snuggie
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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