Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize