I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
