i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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