I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
