Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize