my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
