Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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