better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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