When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
