If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
