I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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