Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
