pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize