Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
