worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
