do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
