What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
