dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize