I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
