I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
