Will you blow on my dice?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
