I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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