How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
