Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
cat food counts as protein by the way
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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