You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
