we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
