is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
