yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
