Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
