dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
