did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
