and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
