U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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