Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
