Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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