So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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