No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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