Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
