I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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