last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
